WHAT’S DATING LIKE IN NEW YORK CITY? Four fashionable girls get together over brunch to spill the deets.
DEMELER: So, how do you guys feel about Valentines Day?
ESTHER: I love Valentines Day. This is my first Valentines Day with an actual boyfriend. So that’s going to be a different experience. But even before then I would make it a girls day. Exchange little gifts or something. It’s just fun.
NICOLE: I’m indifferent about it.
DEMELER: What are some of the pros and cons of dating in New York?
GABRIELLA: You have a lot of options in New York. You have the opportunity to go somewhere new and meet different people every day.
ESTHER: There’s always so much going on. There’s always something new.
DEMELER: I think a pro is that I can be single in New York, and never feel bored or lonely. Because I’m so busy. It’s like that Sex and the City Episode where Carrie is “dating the city.” I love that idea. Like, I love taking myself to the movies every once in a while. New York is the only city where you can do that and it’s not weird.
GABRIELLA: I’ve noticed in New York guys come up to you a lot less than every other city. There are a lot of options here for guys. They don’t have to do anything. But the good thing about New York, especially for someone who’s into clothing and fashion, is you can say, “Oh my God, I love your outfit.” Whatever. I can just say that.
DEMELER: What’s your ideal date?
GABRIELLA: To get lost in the Met. [Metropolitan Museum]. I feel like I could tell a lot about a person and our compatibility from that kind of thing. Do they like to talk about art? What do they have to say about art? Are they like, “Oh that’s nice” and move along? Are they on their phones the whole time?
NICOLE: I always picture walking through the park or wandering the city.
DEMELER: I think that’s a really idealized image of New York City. Like walking, wandering and talking.
ESTHER: The best date I ever had, with my boyfriend now, we had the greatest date. We went out to dinner around Christmas time. Got all dressed up. Went all out. Then we walked down Fifth [Avenue] and looked at all the lights. That was ideal.
DEMELER: What do you wear on a first date?
ESTHER: I’m really weird when it comes to first dates. I’ve been on so many that I’ve stopped caring. It’s the second date that I care about. First date I don’t do my hair. I’ll do a side braid. And I have one outfit I wear on every first date. Super simple black dress. Booties. Done.
GABRIELLA: Everyone has different genres of themselves. So I try to find an outfit that pulls from each of them. Usually with a lot of leather. I love leather pants.
DEMELER: I have a first date uniform. A silk cropped tank, culottes, a choker and mid-heels. My favorite kind of sexy is a look that’s baggy and conservative everywhere except the ankles and décolletage area.
NICOLE: Depending on the guy. I can go all fashioned out. Or jeans and a cute top with booties.
ESTHER: At the end of the day, they don’t care about what you’re wearing.
DEMELER: Do you care about what they’re wearing though?
ALL: Laughs. Yes, Oh yes.
DEMELER: I think that’s a big problem with dating in New York. If you want a guy that has good style, they are either gay or douchebags.
NICOLE: The fashion guys like photographers are the biggest douchebags. They get all the girls in the industry.
GABRIELLA: Because of my look, it makes me feel okay if I don’t get the attention that I want. Because my look is so “whatever I don’t care,” I can almost hide behind it.
DEMELER: Do you have a type?
ESTHER: Pretty boys.
GABRIELLA: Love skaters forever and ever. I have my ideal type, but I also know that the personality that goes with that is not what I’m actually looking for. I love the skater look: white T, black jeans, and tattoo sleeves. But skaters aren’t known for being very productive.
DEMELER: Yes! In a perfect world my guy wears a Dior suit by day, and white T, black jeans, and tattoos by night/weekends.
NICOLE: Bad boys with tats. Tall. Blonde. Foreign.
DEMELER: What about deal breakers?
ESTHER: No job and no ambition. They have to have their life together. I’m 25 I can’t be with someone like that.
DEMELER: I used to date guys like that in college. “Musicians.” Then you get to the point where you’re like “Ok. No.”
NICOLE: When you go to dinner, how someone treats a server tells a lot about them.
DEMELER: How do you guys feel about online dating?
GABRIELLA: Dating websites can be a great tool to figure out what you want.
ESTHER: I’ve never done it, but I know people who have met great guys on it.
NICOLE: I’ve tried Tinder and Bumble. It’s never worked for me. I always got the weirdos. I think it has a lot to do with New Yorkers, especially guys. There are so many women here, that they know they can have the next best thing. And they’re stuck in their 20’s. Party, party, party. But they’re 37 years old.
DEMELER: Yes! I know so many 30 year olds who act like they are 17. New Yorkers are also single later. In other cities once you’re 25 everyone’s either in a relationship or trying to be in one. I feel that in New York it’s not weird to be single at any age.
ESTHER: New York is just so career based. And everyone’s trying to make it. Do I have time for a boyfriend? No. It just happened.
DEMELER: Totally. I barely even have time to do my laundry.
GABRIELLA: I’m really into romanticizing the idea of self-love. Playing up the idea of how beautiful it is to pull yourself out of a situation because of your own love for yourself. Because you really, truly, love yourself. In a more real, deep way. That’s never romanticized. It’s always, “I would do anything for you. Sacrifice anything for you.” That’s what’s thought of as romantic. People sacrifice happiness. People sacrifice careers. People sacrifice so much. At the end of the day, I don’t really want to sacrifice anything.
DEMELER: And you shouldn’t have to.